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| Okay, it took me a little too long to figure out how to write a new entry. For some reason I can't sleep and the only caffeine I had was this morning when I remembered to drink some green tea. We went to bed at midnight and I tried to sleep while Tim read the third book of the Twilight series. I tried to peek over his shoulder and read with him, but he wouldn't let me since I just finished the first one. Plus he kept complaining I was hurting him, rubbing against his left shoulder on which he had applied the second coat of tattoo removal. Even after he turned out the light I couldn't sleep, so I just wandered into our study and thought of xanga.
My head feels hazy- I should go try and sleep. Satchmo's sleeping on the desk with his head hanging off. He keeps twitching like he's having a bad dream.
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| i'm a little taken back by the new look of xanga. i feel like a neglectful boyfriend returning to give it another shot. at dinner i had two cups of chai with spoonfuls of sugar and i can't fall asleep. tim is in the first stage of sleep, of breathing heavily and dead to the world. that's when i know i can get up out of bed and not wake him up. at first i was content holding him, my face against his shoulder, and arm curled around his torso. i didn't mind not falling asleep; things felt right and i wasn't worried that i had to wake up early the next morning. then i started thinking about writing and how this morning my two friends and i witnessed an argument between two russian lovers from across judah street. a female truck driver was honking at them, pointing menacingly at the boyfriend dressed in all beige. the couple started walking away from the truck and continued to fight, in the same direction we were walking. we watched them from across the street and wondered what had happened. she was crying and yelling in a blubbery sort of way; he was defensive and so angry with himself, walking with arms straight and fists clenched. they walked that way for maybe five blocks. sometimes he'd try to grab her hand and she'd pull away, run a little as if offended. matt wanted to videotape them with his new discreet camera. john suggested i write a short story about them. matt guessed that he had been caught sleeping with the girl's mother. john asked me what the first line of the story would be. matt's freshly baked baguette hit me on my arm. ow, the bread. it hurts! i said. matt said that could be the first line. john took us to his first apartment in sf where he thought the city was without sun for two weeks but later realized it was just his neighborhood. matt said maybe she was mad at him for not returning a library book. if i had had my glasses on maybe i could have seen her expression better. but i could hear her voice and it was full of regret that whatever had happened, happened. matt and john came over for tea, green tea that spilled onto dark wood and went well with mini oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and mini slices of apples. john wanted to play the regret game where we talk about our regrets. your turn, he said enthusiastically. i regret not living in new york. i regret not studying abroad. i regret dating in college. matt's wife called in the middle of our game and he told her what we were doing and how he had said that he regrets not having met her sooner. he never said that and the way he said it, she knew it too. john said she's now involved and has to play, what are her regrets? matt reported that she has no regrets.
okay, my mind is becoming dull. i think the caffeine's wearing off. i'm warm in my eskimo jacket, satchmo asleep next to my laptop. time to go to bed and count sheep if necessary while wiggling my fingers to relax my mind.
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| i was browsing at peche mignon, a french shop i delight in walking slowly through, when i came across this: http://86recipes.com/ it was a box of 86 recipes from sf's top restaurants! i was tempted to purchase it since i've recently taken an interest in cooking, but i think i should use up my current cookbooks first to test my dedication to the kitchen. since we're finally mostly settled into our new place i've finally begun to cook in our new kitchen. it's a wee kitchen but fun nonetheless. been making salty korean dishes with lots of soy sauce and sesame salt. i've been wanting to bake too- i caught the bug from sumi who offered me ginger snaps last week i couldn't stop stuffing into my mouth. so today we went out and bought clovers, cinnamon, molasses, and ground ginger. the ginger snaps dough is chilling in the fridge as we speak. last night we roasted chestnuts and ate them while watching paris jet'aime. and washed them down with sparkling apple cider which i think is how champagne should taste.
happy holidays. stay warm and healthy!
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| A generous man will himself be blessed, for he shares his food with the poor. -Proverbs 22:9
I
want to be a generous woman who seeks opportunities to give. When I
read in The Confident Woman that we must seek out ways we can give, I
thought of my sister since she had just finished up work. I sent her a
gift to help her celebrate the end of a phase and the beginning of a
new era in her life. It felt good because I wasn't obligated to give
her a gift; I was doing it because I wanted to make her feel
appreciated. And I like to imagine the look on her face when she
receives it in the mail ^.^ This is how God must feel when He gives us
good gifts.. He does not give expecting something in return; He gives
because He loves. It's as simple and pure as that.
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| I've been away from xanga. susie's right- nobody writes on this thing anymore (except for her). lately i've been smitten by facebook- there are all these people i haven't seen in years and there are pictures of them married or with kids(!). and where else can you throw a sheep at someone.. currently i'm in korea working on my resume trying to finish up a job application. i need more teaching gigs. i'm drinking green tea from a ceramic cup my parents' friend made. he's an artist who lives in the countryside. the local artists visit his studio to use his kiln since it's the largest one in the neighborhood. another update is that i'm married! the wedding was so much fun, and i was brimming with joy and gratitude things felt so complete. the afterwards of the wedding though reminded me of the daily tasks we want to run away from to find greater glories, but it is here in the details and conflicts where you find miracles, the way dragons are princesses waiting to be loved.
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